Darkness Overwhelms Me

I step out into the sunlight
But the darkness follows me there,
Pulling at my shirt-tails
I'll never be free

Squinting at the drops of light
Squeezing through the branches
Of the trees
I see what might have been

What once lured passion
From my soul
Now beats and batters my heart
I cry

Real tears run down my face
What might have been
Sunny and happy
Slaps me, tears me apart

Once I held the corners of the world
Sublime perfection and greed
Now I can be bought and sold
Or given away for free

All that I was
Now dissipates into the air
And there is little more
Than a quivering skeleton

Casting all fame and glory aside
Accepting fate, and solitude
As my lover and keeper
Seldom my need

Hardly a loving friend
If ever a friend at all
Loving less than need be
If ever a need there was

Depending on all that is
Sure to fail me
Yet desperately hoping to
Be wrong about the right things

Respecting those houses built on stone
Yearning for the sand
Staying never fleeing
Nor flying; slowly dying

Faithful to that which is
Sure to molest
Will never respect
Nor definitively love

This life
A life long-lasting for sure
Filled with short lives
Of more important characters

More like a play
I am the understudy
Of my own role
An extra in my life

A maid or a lover
A friend and a mother
An object, a thing
To be used, abused and forgotten

Yet loved, somehow
Misunderstanding life
If life ever could
Be understood

If only I had what I needed
To survive my life
To understand the why
Then I might find my life
More worthy to be lived.

I wrote this piece a hundred years ago. Funny as it has become prophetic for me. In fact, nearly twenty years have passed since I first brought pen to paper on this one. And yet, I find that whatever forward motion I have made in my life, I am still here, in this place: confused, hurt, and alone. No wonder I AM ANGRYFACE.