There are more than a million songs that tell us how to define love. And the books and romance movies. So many thoughts and ideas about what love is, and how it ought to look. We gobble it up... the Disney ideals. Perfect guy, perfect girl, kismet and destiny colliding in a beautiful kaleidoscope of passion and love. Whatever.
What the hell is love, anyway? Sometimes, I wonder if we all aren't searching for what doesn't exist. We compare what we have to our ideals and it often doesn't measure up. Or, we expect what we have to change, so that they become more like our ideals. We often don't measure up to our own personal ideals. Some try to grow and strive toward their ideal self. Some stop having an ideal self. Some make their partner responsible for all that they are not. Is any of that love?
The experiences in my life have led me to these ideas about love:
1. Love makes you more than you were before. Love doesn't rob you of your personal identity. Love doesn't ask you to give up any part of who you are. Love doesn't take away from who you are. Love adds another dimension to who you are. Love increases your positive action on our world. Love raises you up and empowers you. Love does not "complete" you; you are complete in yourself and need no other addition.
2. Love makes you reach beyond your needs and wants to ensure that your mate has all they need and want. Love doesn't have to confess their every need and want all the time. Love isn't preoccupied with ensuring its own satisfaction; instead strives to ensure the satisfaction of their partner. Love puts their partner first. Love, in its completion does strive to achieve their own satisfaction, but not at the expense of their partner. Love does not seek their own gratification first, but yields to the needs of their partner.
3. Love does not recognize the sacrifice, or wallow in the effort. Love does not expect favor for their sacrifices or gestures. Love does not expect recognition for their effort. Love makes sacrifices and puts forth effort with a glad heart and not to gain favor or special consideration. Love gives freely and happily.
4. Love makes you want to be more tomorrow than you were yesterday. Love strives to grow and learn. Love remembers that people change, and therefore, strives to learn their partner anew each day. Love evolves, and changes. Love heals the wounds of the past, lives fully in the present, and plans for the future. Love always takes the time to assess new events and situations. Love is patient. Love strives for balance and peace.
5. Love feels good, and makes you want others around you to feel good also. Love does not hurt or speak cruelly. Love does not lash out and wound with words. Love does not strike physically or seek to harm. When love is hurting, love does not seek to hurt others. When love is joyful, love seeks to share their joy with others. Love allows the negative to dissipate within themselves, while letting the positive to burst forth and multiply to others. Love seeks to share the positive, and eradicate the negative.
There are so many other ideas I have about love, and what it means to me -- what it ought to look like. But, I can sum it up with this phrase:
Love with open arms, open mind and an open heart.
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