Exactly three people have asked me how I felt about turning 40. In roughly 31 minutes, I'll let you know...
I'm watching LA Ink, eating rice crackers and wondering what the hell is going on in the world. What do I feel about turning 40? Shit, I don't even feel 30 yet. I just recently figured out what I wanted to be when I grew up,.. I have no idea what I feel about turning 40!!!
One thing I can say with certainty is that 2010 is turning out to be one hell of a fucking year. Our world is so radically different from the world of 2000. What were we scared of back then? We were afraid the world would melt when the computers tried to roll the dates over from two digit yearly indicators to four. We were half certain that they would grow legs, and beat the shit out of us. It was sort of a let-down that nothing happened. We had no idea what was around the bend; literally the very next bend!
Whether it's MY age or THE age, what I've noticed most is that everything is 'kicked up a notch.' It sometimes feels like we're all trying to live out our lives in a superlative contest to see who is the biggest, baddest, worst, best, most extreme, least significant. When did that shit start? When did we start living at the speed of binary code? When did we start feeling insignificant without using as many adjectives as possible? I found myself doing exactly that the other day. Instead of just saying I was pissed, I said, "I was so pissed I went out of my mind." First of all, was I really that pissed? Did I really go out of my mind? Of course not. I was just pissed; a natural state of being for me. The moment wasn't any more or less significant than any other times when I was pissed. And, how weak can I be letting myself appear so frail and fragile that I can't tolerate someone not doing what I want? The truth is, our world is lived in the gray area ... for the most part. I mean, we don't have the most extreme things occurring every single day -- not even most days. Our lives are truly lived in the gray matter.
Another thing that has me freaked about middle age is that I'm not nearly as smart as I thought I should be at this point. I thought that, by now, I wouldn't be so easily beguiled by people. I thought, by forty, I would be more circumspect, more wise. But, I'm not. I'm still really naive. That really scares me. Also, I seem to be getting dumber. Ten years ago, I would not have used the word "dumber." Tonight, it seems just right. While my kids move forward at the speed of light, they surpassed my intelligence years ago. They ask me questions that sometimes make me wonder if I really did have my head up my ass all these years. After 40 years, I am still too trusting, too naive, still mired in self-doubt and self-recriminations; basically, I'm still me. And, I've come full circle. The thoughts and dreams I had ten and twenty years ago, have returned to me and I can remember having felt those things the first time around.
I was accused of being hit with a mid-life crisis. No, I'm not. I wasn't. Never happened. If anything, I'm only rediscovering the best and most beautiful aspects of who I've always been. I'm wanting to be unafraid of letting my true colors show. I'm wanting to be accepted for who I am, inside out. I no longer wish to wear the person that others expect me to be. I want to just be and let go of expectations; both theirs and mine. I want to be free. Don't we all? Even here, I haven't blogged in a long time. Wanna know why? It's because I'm afraid. At 39 years old, I've been afraid to speak my mind. Mostly, I was told that we (society at large) are not allowed to speak our mind -- not allowed to without harsh consequences. Even in anonymous ways. The person who told me that said that no one could say whatever they wanted, not ever. And, I've been held by my feetsies over the fire for my words lately. It hasn't been fun at all. In fact, it sucks donkey balls. I hate it. Not being able to speak freely. Being afraid.
I do suppose that is the thing that makes me most igged out about turning 40 (in two minutes). The fact is, after 40 years, I am still afraid. And, still feel the sting of loneliness. I am still not free, and hoping for a place and space to speak my mind freely. I don't want to be afraid anymore. And yet, there it is. The fear that those closest to me, are really going to get me in the end (probably because they have). It's paranoia at its finest and I am truly afraid to be exactly who I am.
CLICK!!!
That's it. I just turned 40 years old. How does it feel? *sigh* It feels empty. It's midnight, my fortieth birthday, my little one's are sleeping and I'm up, alone, at the computer. I sit here with my fears and apprehensions. I sit here with my words, and wonder how my brain could concoct anything that anyone would consider dangerous. I wonder how I can be so affected by others, who are seemingly not affected by me. I wonder at how I can be scrutinized and judged. I wonder about the world, the one I came from, the one I live in now. I wonder about the world my children will head toward. 40 is just plain scary.
Thinking about where I thought our world was headed, I am sad that we missed the mark so badly. And yet, there is hope. Because tomorrow, I'll be forty years old, plus one day. And for 364ish more days, I can still say that I am just 40, and have the whole year to work on creating a better tomorrow, a better world. Today begins and I still can try, can fight to make it what it ought to have been. I can still work to make my life, and the lives of my children better, brighter happier places. I can still work to be a better person; smarter, more compassionate, more aware. Hope, that's my final thought around turning 40... There is hope and love and passion. Most of all, there's still fight inside me. Hello 40,.. I plan on kicking the shit out of you!!!
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Monday, August 16, 2010
The Expendables
Good, happy, funny, light-hearted, exciting, silly.
Those are the words I use to describe this movie. It was simply good happy fun. Of course, you don't sit there wondering about realism,.. although I did ask out loud how Jet Li produced the clip that matched the weapon that wasn't his, out of his own back pocket..... whatever.... thank God he had that extra clip. Just goes to show you: never throw anything away!!!
At a point, you have to start asking when movies got all educational? I just love the movies that have come out this summer (even though I had to endure Eclipse with them...). Sometimes, good clean fun is exactly what the doctor ordered. In a time when I am so sick of self-aggrandizing reality shows where non-heros show us all exactly how unheroic we can be; it's nice to watch a movie about a hero with suspect morals, come to the place where he's challenged deep in his soul, and emerges victorious. He even walks away without the girl!!! So there's a bit of reality dosed in there too!!!
Jason Statham... you my friend, are my hero. Wow. While I did not appreciate the Transporter series (got a bit toooo silly for me), he did superb in this movie. And both Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenneger (sp??) were super cut and looked good for all the 3 seconds they were in the film. Who knew Randy Couture could act??? Awesome job fighter-boy. Seriously, he actually did really, really well. Perhaps Chuck has a future in acting as well, and then we could make a seriously funny movie with Couture, Jackson AND Liddell. Hey, maybe they could be a group of MMA fighters, who get framed for something in Okinawa, and they have to go on the lam, all the while dodging the Yakuza, and trying to find their 'yoda' who will lead them out of darkness.... well I'd watch it,... would even pay.
Jet Li doesn't get a big mention here, but he was awesome. He is, after all, a well-paid actor who's been doing this shit for a long, long time now. And Sly,... wow. I had forgotten that the man is not a brainless brick. He was really good and I was impressed at the range of emotion he showed. All, in all, a GREAT flick.
And that brings me to the idea of all the great flicks this summer. Off the top of my head,... Losers, A-Team, and this movie; The Expendables. Common theme,.. great acting, fun explosions and great action. The hero is still the hero, at the end of the day. And the bad guys are easy to spot and eliminate. That's Americana-Feel-Good right there. It doesn't glorify 'violence' per se,... just the idea that when things go wrong, sometimes you really DO need to blow something up. Society might demand pc, and proper language, and consciensious speech. But, from time to time, the world needs to have its ass swatted.
Those are the words I use to describe this movie. It was simply good happy fun. Of course, you don't sit there wondering about realism,.. although I did ask out loud how Jet Li produced the clip that matched the weapon that wasn't his, out of his own back pocket..... whatever.... thank God he had that extra clip. Just goes to show you: never throw anything away!!!
At a point, you have to start asking when movies got all educational? I just love the movies that have come out this summer (even though I had to endure Eclipse with them...). Sometimes, good clean fun is exactly what the doctor ordered. In a time when I am so sick of self-aggrandizing reality shows where non-heros show us all exactly how unheroic we can be; it's nice to watch a movie about a hero with suspect morals, come to the place where he's challenged deep in his soul, and emerges victorious. He even walks away without the girl!!! So there's a bit of reality dosed in there too!!!
Jason Statham... you my friend, are my hero. Wow. While I did not appreciate the Transporter series (got a bit toooo silly for me), he did superb in this movie. And both Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenneger (sp??) were super cut and looked good for all the 3 seconds they were in the film. Who knew Randy Couture could act??? Awesome job fighter-boy. Seriously, he actually did really, really well. Perhaps Chuck has a future in acting as well, and then we could make a seriously funny movie with Couture, Jackson AND Liddell. Hey, maybe they could be a group of MMA fighters, who get framed for something in Okinawa, and they have to go on the lam, all the while dodging the Yakuza, and trying to find their 'yoda' who will lead them out of darkness.... well I'd watch it,... would even pay.
Jet Li doesn't get a big mention here, but he was awesome. He is, after all, a well-paid actor who's been doing this shit for a long, long time now. And Sly,... wow. I had forgotten that the man is not a brainless brick. He was really good and I was impressed at the range of emotion he showed. All, in all, a GREAT flick.
And that brings me to the idea of all the great flicks this summer. Off the top of my head,... Losers, A-Team, and this movie; The Expendables. Common theme,.. great acting, fun explosions and great action. The hero is still the hero, at the end of the day. And the bad guys are easy to spot and eliminate. That's Americana-Feel-Good right there. It doesn't glorify 'violence' per se,... just the idea that when things go wrong, sometimes you really DO need to blow something up. Society might demand pc, and proper language, and consciensious speech. But, from time to time, the world needs to have its ass swatted.
Friday, August 6, 2010
Tears
I do not know the chemical
Composition of tears
But there must be some salt
And water
Water, because it flows so
Evenly
Neatly from my eyes
Down my cheeks
And off my chin
Salt, because it stings
And tastes salty
Bitter
Like the pain
Warm from the heat off my cheeks
My body must make a lot of it
Because it doesn't stop flowing
There must be too much
In my system
For my body to be getting rid
Of so much
At one time
Composition of tears
But there must be some salt
And water
Water, because it flows so
Evenly
Neatly from my eyes
Down my cheeks
And off my chin
Salt, because it stings
And tastes salty
Bitter
Like the pain
Warm from the heat off my cheeks
My body must make a lot of it
Because it doesn't stop flowing
There must be too much
In my system
For my body to be getting rid
Of so much
At one time
Darkness Overwhelms Me
I step out into the sunlight
But the darkness follows me there,
Pulling at my shirt-tails
I'll never be free
Squinting at the drops of light
Squeezing through the branches
Of the trees
I see what might have been
What once lured passion
From my soul
Now beats and batters my heart
I cry
Real tears run down my face
What might have been
Sunny and happy
Slaps me, tears me apart
Once I held the corners of the world
Sublime perfection and greed
Now I can be bought and sold
Or given away for free
All that I was
Now dissipates into the air
And there is little more
Than a quivering skeleton
Casting all fame and glory aside
Accepting fate, and solitude
As my lover and keeper
Seldom my need
Hardly a loving friend
If ever a friend at all
Loving less than need be
If ever a need there was
Depending on all that is
Sure to fail me
Yet desperately hoping to
Be wrong about the right things
Respecting those houses built on stone
Yearning for the sand
Staying never fleeing
Nor flying; slowly dying
Faithful to that which is
Sure to molest
Will never respect
Nor definitively love
This life
A life long-lasting for sure
Filled with short lives
Of more important characters
More like a play
I am the understudy
Of my own role
An extra in my life
A maid or a lover
A friend and a mother
An object, a thing
To be used, abused and forgotten
Yet loved, somehow
Misunderstanding life
If life ever could
Be understood
If only I had what I needed
To survive my life
To understand the why
Then I might find my life
More worthy to be lived.
I wrote this piece a hundred years ago. Funny as it has become prophetic for me. In fact, nearly twenty years have passed since I first brought pen to paper on this one. And yet, I find that whatever forward motion I have made in my life, I am still here, in this place: confused, hurt, and alone. No wonder I AM ANGRYFACE.
But the darkness follows me there,
Pulling at my shirt-tails
I'll never be free
Squinting at the drops of light
Squeezing through the branches
Of the trees
I see what might have been
What once lured passion
From my soul
Now beats and batters my heart
I cry
Real tears run down my face
What might have been
Sunny and happy
Slaps me, tears me apart
Once I held the corners of the world
Sublime perfection and greed
Now I can be bought and sold
Or given away for free
All that I was
Now dissipates into the air
And there is little more
Than a quivering skeleton
Casting all fame and glory aside
Accepting fate, and solitude
As my lover and keeper
Seldom my need
Hardly a loving friend
If ever a friend at all
Loving less than need be
If ever a need there was
Depending on all that is
Sure to fail me
Yet desperately hoping to
Be wrong about the right things
Respecting those houses built on stone
Yearning for the sand
Staying never fleeing
Nor flying; slowly dying
Faithful to that which is
Sure to molest
Will never respect
Nor definitively love
This life
A life long-lasting for sure
Filled with short lives
Of more important characters
More like a play
I am the understudy
Of my own role
An extra in my life
A maid or a lover
A friend and a mother
An object, a thing
To be used, abused and forgotten
Yet loved, somehow
Misunderstanding life
If life ever could
Be understood
If only I had what I needed
To survive my life
To understand the why
Then I might find my life
More worthy to be lived.
I wrote this piece a hundred years ago. Funny as it has become prophetic for me. In fact, nearly twenty years have passed since I first brought pen to paper on this one. And yet, I find that whatever forward motion I have made in my life, I am still here, in this place: confused, hurt, and alone. No wonder I AM ANGRYFACE.
Amused
Someone tried to use this blog and my other online shit against me. Their claim was that people were reading my shit, and making judgments about them!!! Holy crap Batman. No, no one reads this stupid shitty blog. It's why I write it,.. cause I know no one gives a shit what I write and certainly, no one bothers to read it in the overwhelming ocean that is Blogspot. I mean, seriously,... there are NO indications that ANYONE reads this. So, I'm not really worried about assumptions or opinions.
And I'm certainly not worried about comments...
;-D
And I'm certainly not worried about comments...
;-D
Friday, July 23, 2010
Sorcerer's Apprentice
Wow! Nick Cage,.. what can I say? I did not see this movie doing so well and I'm so glad it did. I loved it! There were moments when I forgot it was Nicholas Cage!!! He did amazing! And his young apprentice really fulfilled the role as well.
There was a slight "Gotham" feel to the city, and certainly to the lair. I loved the story line and how they combined the geek-gets-the-hot-girl theme along with the supernatural magical journey. If I had any complaint, I would say that I would have liked to understand more about the magic behind it all. Having said that, it was a great flick and well worth the twenty bucks!
There was a slight "Gotham" feel to the city, and certainly to the lair. I loved the story line and how they combined the geek-gets-the-hot-girl theme along with the supernatural magical journey. If I had any complaint, I would say that I would have liked to understand more about the magic behind it all. Having said that, it was a great flick and well worth the twenty bucks!
Thursday, July 22, 2010
From EP -- Movie Reviews
There are several reviews wrapped up here, so I'm sorry it's long but it's worth the read!!! LMAO just kidding... no really.
A-Team; Sort Of…
10 July 2010
Do not go see this movie if you think you're going to reminisce over your youth. However, if you, like me, can forget all about the television series, you'll do alright.This movie was great. I loved it. NOT the old A-Team, so don't go poking around. About the only link to the old series that even remotely reminded me of that show was the liberal playing of the theme song at varying tempos throughout the movie. I have to say that Liam Neeson is one of my favorite actors of all time. He kicked monumental ass in Batman Begins. And he floored me in Love Actually (chick flick,.. the only one I haven't wanted to walk out of). Awesome guy, really well played. And, I have to say that Rampage shocked me. I actually believed that BA had taken the path on non-violence and his MMA moves on the bad guy were epic. [EDITED THIS PART BECAUSE I WAS INCORRECT HERE, RAMPAGE IS NOT A BODY GUARD FOR ANY SLEEZY MOVIE COMPANIES,... I CONFUSED HIM WITH KIMBO SLICE,.. I KNOW *SHAKES HEAD SADLY* I'M A JACKASS]. And what can I say about Murdock? Easily my favorite character (we have a lot in common) and I loved the idea of a mid-inversion helicopter stall, even though the physics is all wrong and that it is actually IMPOSSIBLE on every level to do that stunt,.. still, it was just insane enough and epic enough to work for the film. And, explain to me why a heli pilot knows a damned thing about piloting a C-130??? ...or a tank for that matter?? But, that's the kind of movie I LOVE. It doesn't have to make sense if it’s good. Hell, someone just might figure out HOW to make that helicopter stunt work in real life!!! So, go see this movie, cause I wanna know how they work out a sequel!!!
Eclipse – Let The Pathos Begin
10 July 2010
Ok, so, my continued devotion to this movie series limps forward. I'm wondering if I have made an error somewhere regarding my commitment to seeing all the movies. Oh, and BTW,... I apologize in advance, for all the typos I won't be correcting as I am on a very short break and trying to stuff my face while I update my profile and stories.
Last night I took the kiddos to the drive-in (more on THAT in another story). What can I say about this movie that hasn't already been said in the previous movies? Not much. Except that the wolf-phasing mid-air and the fight scenes were super bad ass and almost worth the money. Oh, and, Taylor Lautner soaking wet wasn't a bad sight either!!! OMG,.. still feel like a fricken pedophile checking that BOY out, but, well, those thirty pounds of lean muscle he packed on for this flick were well placed. Kudos to his trainers.And, what can I say about Charlie?? Only that there has never been a more perfect book-to-movie casting EVER!!! He couldn't possibly be a better Charlie!!! What an awesome actor! I'm gonna IMDb him as soon as I have two seconds to spare. Alright, honestly, someone else needs to do that and just leave me the link!!! No time for movie trivia.
The rest of the cast. Well, Kristen Stewart's stuttering portrayal of the innocent and wall-flower-of-a-girl Bella is and was as usual, passable. Barely. And Robert Pattinson,.. how do you find the words? Even when trying to portray absolute joy and rapture, he still managed to look constipated. Not sure how those two emotions marry up, but there you have my biggest issue with the whole damned series (get it,... vampires,... 'damned'.....ok, enough). When you take a book, and go to screen, it doesn't always translate well. AND, when you have actors suffering from the degree of hubris that these kids apparently do, well, you end up with a movie where all the people are basically playing themselves with a few spins on who they think the characters 'really are.'
Now I only have one more left to endure, and most of it is gonna be newlywed passion and birthing. Holy Crap,.. I didn't think about that!!! I guess the worst is yet to come!!!
Toy Story 3 – Holy Crap!
5 July 2010
Ok, took my kiddos to see this flick. For starters,.. Oh My God!!! Can Pixar make a flick that DOESN'T make my soul weep??? The first movie was tough with the kid missing his favorite toys and all. But, the animation was so breathtaking you didn't really feel overwhelmed with grief or loss. The second movie was so hosed,... I closed my eyes through that flick. It was so f-ing sad and depressing. Holy hellhounds of Antioch!!! I couldn't quite breathe I was so verklempt. Oy vey!!! Depressing
Toy Story 3 was a lot like BEACHES. You know what's gonna happen in the end, it just sucks right up to that point. THEN, when he gives his precious friends to the little girl, you're like "OMG WTF!!!!" and "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" You watch the little toys gaze wistfully as Andy drives away forever. Holy Crap, I cried my eyes out. Then of course, all of us old crones just sat there crestfallen, remembering loved toys long lost. It was a painful reverie,.. especially for those of us who had shitty childhoods.
But, for all her flaws, my sister does rock from time to time!!! I don't have to cry over lost toys that are never to be found. I only had one toy growing up. Yes, my childhood sucked ass. Probably, it's why I work my ass off to give my kids all the things I didn't have, starting with a MOM. Well, my only toy growing up was a gift that I was given by a woman who had tried to adopt me when I was 2. She gave me a Mrs. Beasley doll. Just like the one from A Family Affair, from the seventies. Well, that doll is long gone,.. her glasses got eaten, by me. Her dress was used as a cape at one point. Her hair was set on fire at one point. Her string to her talking box was yanked out during a fist fight with my brother. And, she was funky and stained by the time she met her doom. I was always really sad at the loss.
And then, for my 35th birthday, my sister pulled off a magic trick. I opened my birthday present, and to my shock and surprise, was a brand new Mrs. Beasley doll, in mint condition, original packaging. The fucking doll must have cost a fortune. But, we grew up poor and in a truly fucked up environment. We never had anything. My doll was played with, aggressively and every single day. The wear and tear she suffered was from being my ONLY toy. And now, I have her back.
Getting back to the uber-painful Toy Story 3,.. we all have things from our youth we'd have liked to hang onto: looks, hair, scar-less bodies, perky breasts, thin waist, flawless skin... And since we can't hang onto those things in any tangible way, our youth is represented in our toys. Memories held in freeze frame, forever remembering that we were once young, naive, fresh and excited about the world of opportunity opened wide. That's what our toys represent for us, and their loss is marked so profoundly by the loss of all that was once our younger selves. It's what the movies represent,... the painful side of the cycle of life. Our time in the sun with our treasures is over and we march off into the autumn of our lives missing things.
SCREW YOU Toy Story!!! I'm taking my doll, and I'm going home.
Better Off Dead
19 May 2010
For those of you who were alive and sentient in the 80s, then you remember the Brat Pack, and all those films they made. Yeah, sure, I went and saw most of them. In particular, The Breakfast Club was prophetic, as my stoic parents sat there beside me, attempting to have a bonding moment with me, and my obnoxious teen-age arrogant self wondered if they understood the clever subtext. While those movies were, well, what they were...one movie from the 80s truly stands out in my mind as a defining moment for me.
My best friend, Molly and I were supposed to be studying at the library. Everything where we lived was walking distance. She and I did a lot of walking. So, there we were, and I didn't want to study. I certainly didn't want to study Italian Rennaissance Poetry. After much whining and complaining on my part, Molly said, "well, what DO you want to do?" I considered the options, and I had some money in my pocket. "Hey," I said, struck with lightning, "let's go see a movie!" She stared at me for a long time, before closing her books and putting them into her bag. I couldn't believe it, she wasn't usually convinced so easily to go along with one of my ideas.
So, we walked down to this one strip mall that had a tiny little theater. I had a good bundle of money, so I knew I could pay for us both to get in and get popcorn and soda. Well, then the theater had a sign that said if you were a student with ID, you got in for one dollar. Yeah, try finding THAT in a theater today. So, I bought us the tickets, soda, popcorn, hot dogs, and all the candy and junk food you'd need to get good and sick. I almost didn't care what we saw. Then, the movie started. We both laughed so hard and ate so much junk, I think we were both sick to our stomachs for a week! But the flick was so great. I've tried to find it on DVD, but haven't tried very hard since I'm sure its out there. If you get a chance to see it, try to think back to life in the 80s.
I mean, other than when I failed her, my mother barely registered that I was a sentient being. Outside that, I was pretty much an island. I think more and more kids today feel like that: islands, distant, remote and uncharted. This movie didn't resonate as well with my teens, they found it boring. But, when life was simpler, there was no internet, most houses didn't have a computer, let alone three, and most houses didn't have cable. The movies didn't cost a fortune, dating actually meant going places together by yourselves (and not with your parent who had to drive you), and the worst thing that happened at high school was getting your period during class, or having someone spread rumors about you. Its a sweet movie, about a different time.
Miss-Billing In The Trailers
21 April 2010
When I think of miss-billing, My Blue Heaven comes to mind. If you don't know what "miss-billing" is, it is when the trailer shows clips that make the movie seem like it's one genre, when it really isn't at all. In the case of My Blue Heaven, it was originally billed as this great comedy, and yet, all the really funny parts were IN the trailer. This happens a lot and it really frustrates me.
The most recent incidence of this is Kickass. It is billed as an action/comedy. It is not. Do not take your kids to see this movie. It is actually really dark and has some really seedy aspects to it. While the movie itself isn't bad, it certainly is NOT comedic, though there are a few funny parts. I just never want to explain to my younger kids why the ten year old girl with purple hair is getting beat nearly to death by the fully grown man.
You just end up having to see the movies, and take your chances from time to time. This goes along with the critics as well. Many movies that I love were panned by critics. Usually, their commentary includes words like "sophomoric" and "trite." But, I like silliness and potty humor is always funny, not matter who you are.
Not All Movies Are Good
28 March 2010
...but sometimes, there's enough worthwhile parts to make a bad movie worth seeing.
I've seen some really SH!TTY movies in my day. But usually, even in a truly terrible movie, there is some redeeming quality that makes the whole suckfest palatable. Honestly, there have been a few that were so terrible, that nothing could redeem them (reminiscing I can recall Angel Eyes and Dungeons and Dragons). There are also those silent surprises, the ones where I had no idea the movie existed, but found myself at the theatre at odd times with few choices, and happened to see a fantastic movie I would not have seen otherwise. On that list (and deserving of reference OUTSIDE parenthesis) are: Spirited Away, Love Actually (uber-chick flick, but still great) and Eternal Sunshine (has a much longer title, but I can't remember the whole thing -- Jim Carrey).
I will admit, that I read the Twilight series and fell in love. In my defense, I am NOT one of those rabid Twi-Moms. What happened was this, I had just had a baby via c-section, it was pretty traumatic (surgery sucks) and the day I arrived home from the hospital, I found myself alone with a newborn, a toddler and a six-inch smiley-face incision. None of the people I had arranged to help were able to help which left me totally f*cked and completely alone. I got pretty depressed, with Post-Partum Depression. My then-husband's reaction to my plight: he told me to "suck it up, because the family needs you right now." This baby was number 8, and so I had a lot on my plate, yet couldn't really move without mind-searing pain and I couldn't take the pain meds because I had to be alert enough to take care of the babies. A friend loaned me the series, and I sat on my shrinking @ss, nursed my baby, and read, read, read. Diving into a good series, a simple series that was easy to read (non-cerebral and flake-friendly), just made life suck less. And, by the time I was finished reading the series, the PPD had vanished, and I was not in pain any more and life was an enjoyable existence.
So, out of deference to the author, Stephenie Meyer, I committed to watching the movies -- because I was so helped by her story that I felt honor-bound to watch the movies. I wasn't surprised to see Kristen Stewart in the line-up. Her looks were and are a dead ringer to Bella. Robert Pattinson is NOT a comfortable match for Edward, but, as I was not consulted, whatever. I loved Shark Boy as Jacob and I thought that the actor chosen to play Charlie was as perfect a match as could be found. Twilight, in short, sucked. Sorry Twi-rabid-fans, but the movie sucked butt. Why does Edward's character skittle up trees like a spider monkey??? Why couldn't they simply do the "forest of Endor" bit, like they did in Star Wars VI twenty years ago? I mean, he RUNS fast. There isn't anything remotely hinting at climbing trees with the finger-nails. Its not only ridiculous, and silly, but it does NOT translate well onto the big screen. I laughed my @ss off in the theatre watching those scenes (pissing off every tween within earshot). And what's with Edward's perpetual constipation??? I wouldn't think a purely liquid diet would wreek that kind of havoc on the digestive tract. But there he is, scene after painfully constricted scene, looking like he needs a pessary.
It was with deep chagrin that I purchased the New Moon movie. I didn't go see it at the theatre. I would have preferred to see it at the theatre, but I just never found the time (8 kids, divorce, you get it). So, I LOVED LOVED LOVED Taylor Lautner. Shark boy did good. He is gorgeous and my oh my has he grown into one impeccable specimen. Holy Sh!t Batman, that boy is beautiful. Of course, at my middle-age, I feel like a pedophile. Perhaps this is what Hugh Hefner feels like. But, I digress.
Edward still seemed (though we see less of him) constipated. Kristen Stewart IS NOT a good match for Bella, she brings a pissy quality to the character that wasn't needed or wanted. I end up wanting to smack her. The phasing scenes were awesome, and I was seriously worried here because of the misstep of the "skittling up the trees" bit from the first flick. Still, there were significant pieces that were,...silly. But, it was better than the first. Hopefully, but the next movie, these actors will settle into the characters more, and stop trying to put their personal spin on it. The characters were well written and fully developed on their own. So, its been a bit tough watching Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson playing basically themselves with undertones of the characters. If you've seen Speak, with Kristen Stewart, than you've seen her portrayal of Bella. If you've seen Robert in ANYTHING since Harry Potter IV, then you've seen him portray his version of Edward. This is why avid book readers go ballistic when their passion comes to life on the silver screen: an actor, suffering from a self-aggrandizing ego who sees a new spin for the character. It isn't just about adding things that are unnecessary, or removing pivotal plot points; its about telling the tale of the characters. This requires that the character be portrayed as written. Sure, take artistic license and change up the look a LITTLE. Or maybe, the dialog needs to be altered here or there. But to change the essence of the character, well, that changes how that character would respond, react. And that makes the story get choppy and disjointed. It stops making sense. The cohesiveness is broken and you can't just shove the broken bits together to make the movie. That's why it feels like most of Twilight got left on the editing room floor. New Moon has the same dilemma, although not as bad.
I hope that Eclipse and Breaking Dawn are better. Even if they are not, I will still go see the movies, and watch the actors try to breathe life into the characters; my friends who walked me through a dark spot in my life, and helped me see the sunshine again.
A-Team; Sort Of…
10 July 2010
Do not go see this movie if you think you're going to reminisce over your youth. However, if you, like me, can forget all about the television series, you'll do alright.This movie was great. I loved it. NOT the old A-Team, so don't go poking around. About the only link to the old series that even remotely reminded me of that show was the liberal playing of the theme song at varying tempos throughout the movie. I have to say that Liam Neeson is one of my favorite actors of all time. He kicked monumental ass in Batman Begins. And he floored me in Love Actually (chick flick,.. the only one I haven't wanted to walk out of). Awesome guy, really well played. And, I have to say that Rampage shocked me. I actually believed that BA had taken the path on non-violence and his MMA moves on the bad guy were epic. [EDITED THIS PART BECAUSE I WAS INCORRECT HERE, RAMPAGE IS NOT A BODY GUARD FOR ANY SLEEZY MOVIE COMPANIES,... I CONFUSED HIM WITH KIMBO SLICE,.. I KNOW *SHAKES HEAD SADLY* I'M A JACKASS]. And what can I say about Murdock? Easily my favorite character (we have a lot in common) and I loved the idea of a mid-inversion helicopter stall, even though the physics is all wrong and that it is actually IMPOSSIBLE on every level to do that stunt,.. still, it was just insane enough and epic enough to work for the film. And, explain to me why a heli pilot knows a damned thing about piloting a C-130??? ...or a tank for that matter?? But, that's the kind of movie I LOVE. It doesn't have to make sense if it’s good. Hell, someone just might figure out HOW to make that helicopter stunt work in real life!!! So, go see this movie, cause I wanna know how they work out a sequel!!!
Eclipse – Let The Pathos Begin
10 July 2010
Ok, so, my continued devotion to this movie series limps forward. I'm wondering if I have made an error somewhere regarding my commitment to seeing all the movies. Oh, and BTW,... I apologize in advance, for all the typos I won't be correcting as I am on a very short break and trying to stuff my face while I update my profile and stories.
Last night I took the kiddos to the drive-in (more on THAT in another story). What can I say about this movie that hasn't already been said in the previous movies? Not much. Except that the wolf-phasing mid-air and the fight scenes were super bad ass and almost worth the money. Oh, and, Taylor Lautner soaking wet wasn't a bad sight either!!! OMG,.. still feel like a fricken pedophile checking that BOY out, but, well, those thirty pounds of lean muscle he packed on for this flick were well placed. Kudos to his trainers.And, what can I say about Charlie?? Only that there has never been a more perfect book-to-movie casting EVER!!! He couldn't possibly be a better Charlie!!! What an awesome actor! I'm gonna IMDb him as soon as I have two seconds to spare. Alright, honestly, someone else needs to do that and just leave me the link!!! No time for movie trivia.
The rest of the cast. Well, Kristen Stewart's stuttering portrayal of the innocent and wall-flower-of-a-girl Bella is and was as usual, passable. Barely. And Robert Pattinson,.. how do you find the words? Even when trying to portray absolute joy and rapture, he still managed to look constipated. Not sure how those two emotions marry up, but there you have my biggest issue with the whole damned series (get it,... vampires,... 'damned'.....ok, enough). When you take a book, and go to screen, it doesn't always translate well. AND, when you have actors suffering from the degree of hubris that these kids apparently do, well, you end up with a movie where all the people are basically playing themselves with a few spins on who they think the characters 'really are.'
Now I only have one more left to endure, and most of it is gonna be newlywed passion and birthing. Holy Crap,.. I didn't think about that!!! I guess the worst is yet to come!!!
Toy Story 3 – Holy Crap!
5 July 2010
Ok, took my kiddos to see this flick. For starters,.. Oh My God!!! Can Pixar make a flick that DOESN'T make my soul weep??? The first movie was tough with the kid missing his favorite toys and all. But, the animation was so breathtaking you didn't really feel overwhelmed with grief or loss. The second movie was so hosed,... I closed my eyes through that flick. It was so f-ing sad and depressing. Holy hellhounds of Antioch!!! I couldn't quite breathe I was so verklempt. Oy vey!!! Depressing
Toy Story 3 was a lot like BEACHES. You know what's gonna happen in the end, it just sucks right up to that point. THEN, when he gives his precious friends to the little girl, you're like "OMG WTF!!!!" and "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" You watch the little toys gaze wistfully as Andy drives away forever. Holy Crap, I cried my eyes out. Then of course, all of us old crones just sat there crestfallen, remembering loved toys long lost. It was a painful reverie,.. especially for those of us who had shitty childhoods.
But, for all her flaws, my sister does rock from time to time!!! I don't have to cry over lost toys that are never to be found. I only had one toy growing up. Yes, my childhood sucked ass. Probably, it's why I work my ass off to give my kids all the things I didn't have, starting with a MOM. Well, my only toy growing up was a gift that I was given by a woman who had tried to adopt me when I was 2. She gave me a Mrs. Beasley doll. Just like the one from A Family Affair, from the seventies. Well, that doll is long gone,.. her glasses got eaten, by me. Her dress was used as a cape at one point. Her hair was set on fire at one point. Her string to her talking box was yanked out during a fist fight with my brother. And, she was funky and stained by the time she met her doom. I was always really sad at the loss.
And then, for my 35th birthday, my sister pulled off a magic trick. I opened my birthday present, and to my shock and surprise, was a brand new Mrs. Beasley doll, in mint condition, original packaging. The fucking doll must have cost a fortune. But, we grew up poor and in a truly fucked up environment. We never had anything. My doll was played with, aggressively and every single day. The wear and tear she suffered was from being my ONLY toy. And now, I have her back.
Getting back to the uber-painful Toy Story 3,.. we all have things from our youth we'd have liked to hang onto: looks, hair, scar-less bodies, perky breasts, thin waist, flawless skin... And since we can't hang onto those things in any tangible way, our youth is represented in our toys. Memories held in freeze frame, forever remembering that we were once young, naive, fresh and excited about the world of opportunity opened wide. That's what our toys represent for us, and their loss is marked so profoundly by the loss of all that was once our younger selves. It's what the movies represent,... the painful side of the cycle of life. Our time in the sun with our treasures is over and we march off into the autumn of our lives missing things.
SCREW YOU Toy Story!!! I'm taking my doll, and I'm going home.
Better Off Dead
19 May 2010
For those of you who were alive and sentient in the 80s, then you remember the Brat Pack, and all those films they made. Yeah, sure, I went and saw most of them. In particular, The Breakfast Club was prophetic, as my stoic parents sat there beside me, attempting to have a bonding moment with me, and my obnoxious teen-age arrogant self wondered if they understood the clever subtext. While those movies were, well, what they were...one movie from the 80s truly stands out in my mind as a defining moment for me.
My best friend, Molly and I were supposed to be studying at the library. Everything where we lived was walking distance. She and I did a lot of walking. So, there we were, and I didn't want to study. I certainly didn't want to study Italian Rennaissance Poetry. After much whining and complaining on my part, Molly said, "well, what DO you want to do?" I considered the options, and I had some money in my pocket. "Hey," I said, struck with lightning, "let's go see a movie!" She stared at me for a long time, before closing her books and putting them into her bag. I couldn't believe it, she wasn't usually convinced so easily to go along with one of my ideas.
So, we walked down to this one strip mall that had a tiny little theater. I had a good bundle of money, so I knew I could pay for us both to get in and get popcorn and soda. Well, then the theater had a sign that said if you were a student with ID, you got in for one dollar. Yeah, try finding THAT in a theater today. So, I bought us the tickets, soda, popcorn, hot dogs, and all the candy and junk food you'd need to get good and sick. I almost didn't care what we saw. Then, the movie started. We both laughed so hard and ate so much junk, I think we were both sick to our stomachs for a week! But the flick was so great. I've tried to find it on DVD, but haven't tried very hard since I'm sure its out there. If you get a chance to see it, try to think back to life in the 80s.
I mean, other than when I failed her, my mother barely registered that I was a sentient being. Outside that, I was pretty much an island. I think more and more kids today feel like that: islands, distant, remote and uncharted. This movie didn't resonate as well with my teens, they found it boring. But, when life was simpler, there was no internet, most houses didn't have a computer, let alone three, and most houses didn't have cable. The movies didn't cost a fortune, dating actually meant going places together by yourselves (and not with your parent who had to drive you), and the worst thing that happened at high school was getting your period during class, or having someone spread rumors about you. Its a sweet movie, about a different time.
Miss-Billing In The Trailers
21 April 2010
When I think of miss-billing, My Blue Heaven comes to mind. If you don't know what "miss-billing" is, it is when the trailer shows clips that make the movie seem like it's one genre, when it really isn't at all. In the case of My Blue Heaven, it was originally billed as this great comedy, and yet, all the really funny parts were IN the trailer. This happens a lot and it really frustrates me.
The most recent incidence of this is Kickass. It is billed as an action/comedy. It is not. Do not take your kids to see this movie. It is actually really dark and has some really seedy aspects to it. While the movie itself isn't bad, it certainly is NOT comedic, though there are a few funny parts. I just never want to explain to my younger kids why the ten year old girl with purple hair is getting beat nearly to death by the fully grown man.
You just end up having to see the movies, and take your chances from time to time. This goes along with the critics as well. Many movies that I love were panned by critics. Usually, their commentary includes words like "sophomoric" and "trite." But, I like silliness and potty humor is always funny, not matter who you are.
Not All Movies Are Good
28 March 2010
...but sometimes, there's enough worthwhile parts to make a bad movie worth seeing.
I've seen some really SH!TTY movies in my day. But usually, even in a truly terrible movie, there is some redeeming quality that makes the whole suckfest palatable. Honestly, there have been a few that were so terrible, that nothing could redeem them (reminiscing I can recall Angel Eyes and Dungeons and Dragons). There are also those silent surprises, the ones where I had no idea the movie existed, but found myself at the theatre at odd times with few choices, and happened to see a fantastic movie I would not have seen otherwise. On that list (and deserving of reference OUTSIDE parenthesis) are: Spirited Away, Love Actually (uber-chick flick, but still great) and Eternal Sunshine (has a much longer title, but I can't remember the whole thing -- Jim Carrey).
I will admit, that I read the Twilight series and fell in love. In my defense, I am NOT one of those rabid Twi-Moms. What happened was this, I had just had a baby via c-section, it was pretty traumatic (surgery sucks) and the day I arrived home from the hospital, I found myself alone with a newborn, a toddler and a six-inch smiley-face incision. None of the people I had arranged to help were able to help which left me totally f*cked and completely alone. I got pretty depressed, with Post-Partum Depression. My then-husband's reaction to my plight: he told me to "suck it up, because the family needs you right now." This baby was number 8, and so I had a lot on my plate, yet couldn't really move without mind-searing pain and I couldn't take the pain meds because I had to be alert enough to take care of the babies. A friend loaned me the series, and I sat on my shrinking @ss, nursed my baby, and read, read, read. Diving into a good series, a simple series that was easy to read (non-cerebral and flake-friendly), just made life suck less. And, by the time I was finished reading the series, the PPD had vanished, and I was not in pain any more and life was an enjoyable existence.
So, out of deference to the author, Stephenie Meyer, I committed to watching the movies -- because I was so helped by her story that I felt honor-bound to watch the movies. I wasn't surprised to see Kristen Stewart in the line-up. Her looks were and are a dead ringer to Bella. Robert Pattinson is NOT a comfortable match for Edward, but, as I was not consulted, whatever. I loved Shark Boy as Jacob and I thought that the actor chosen to play Charlie was as perfect a match as could be found. Twilight, in short, sucked. Sorry Twi-rabid-fans, but the movie sucked butt. Why does Edward's character skittle up trees like a spider monkey??? Why couldn't they simply do the "forest of Endor" bit, like they did in Star Wars VI twenty years ago? I mean, he RUNS fast. There isn't anything remotely hinting at climbing trees with the finger-nails. Its not only ridiculous, and silly, but it does NOT translate well onto the big screen. I laughed my @ss off in the theatre watching those scenes (pissing off every tween within earshot). And what's with Edward's perpetual constipation??? I wouldn't think a purely liquid diet would wreek that kind of havoc on the digestive tract. But there he is, scene after painfully constricted scene, looking like he needs a pessary.
It was with deep chagrin that I purchased the New Moon movie. I didn't go see it at the theatre. I would have preferred to see it at the theatre, but I just never found the time (8 kids, divorce, you get it). So, I LOVED LOVED LOVED Taylor Lautner. Shark boy did good. He is gorgeous and my oh my has he grown into one impeccable specimen. Holy Sh!t Batman, that boy is beautiful. Of course, at my middle-age, I feel like a pedophile. Perhaps this is what Hugh Hefner feels like. But, I digress.
Edward still seemed (though we see less of him) constipated. Kristen Stewart IS NOT a good match for Bella, she brings a pissy quality to the character that wasn't needed or wanted. I end up wanting to smack her. The phasing scenes were awesome, and I was seriously worried here because of the misstep of the "skittling up the trees" bit from the first flick. Still, there were significant pieces that were,...silly. But, it was better than the first. Hopefully, but the next movie, these actors will settle into the characters more, and stop trying to put their personal spin on it. The characters were well written and fully developed on their own. So, its been a bit tough watching Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson playing basically themselves with undertones of the characters. If you've seen Speak, with Kristen Stewart, than you've seen her portrayal of Bella. If you've seen Robert in ANYTHING since Harry Potter IV, then you've seen him portray his version of Edward. This is why avid book readers go ballistic when their passion comes to life on the silver screen: an actor, suffering from a self-aggrandizing ego who sees a new spin for the character. It isn't just about adding things that are unnecessary, or removing pivotal plot points; its about telling the tale of the characters. This requires that the character be portrayed as written. Sure, take artistic license and change up the look a LITTLE. Or maybe, the dialog needs to be altered here or there. But to change the essence of the character, well, that changes how that character would respond, react. And that makes the story get choppy and disjointed. It stops making sense. The cohesiveness is broken and you can't just shove the broken bits together to make the movie. That's why it feels like most of Twilight got left on the editing room floor. New Moon has the same dilemma, although not as bad.
I hope that Eclipse and Breaking Dawn are better. Even if they are not, I will still go see the movies, and watch the actors try to breathe life into the characters; my friends who walked me through a dark spot in my life, and helped me see the sunshine again.
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