Experience Project 08

Comparing Kids
14 June 2010
OK, trying to write my blog while doing eight other things, and trying to prevent the baby from stripping naked and running commando down the hall.......not good. Here's a rewrite cause I never really got to the point.

Family gatherings can sometimes suck butt. My kids are the first grandkids of both sides. As the years went on, there were other grandkids besides my own. And, for the most part, the other siblings have no respect for experience. And everyone has an opinion. Of course, MY opinions are more like, truths...but perhaps I may be biased.

So, over the years, the gatherings have turned into a sort of competition. And nothing is out of the question. The competition can be positive: who's kid is smartest, most attractive, most pleasant. The competition can be horrible: who's kid was the sickest, whose kid has the most problems, most screwed up had the most violent injury, worst habits, etc. And they often aren't completely honest about it all. And the kid is there trying to defend their self. One relative actually responded to their kid's correction by saying, "yeah, they rip out your heart and then make a liar out of you." Really? Well, I agree parenting is tough, hardest job I've ever done. But, if you start out a liar,... how does the kid get the blame for it?

Well, all my kids are very bright. And they're all sometimes really insane and sometimes they do things that force me to walk away with my hand over my mouth. But I'm not about to start sharing such intimate details of my children's lives with these ass hats. I think that's why kids feel betrayed by their folks. Some of that stuff is like the meat of who they are and doesn't deserve to be on display for the rest of the relatives to judge them by. And they WILL be judged. Whatever your relatives believe to be true of you, and the kid's father, they'll believe to be true of the kid. If they think you're a jerk, they'll find a reason to believe your kid is a jerk too. And every little thing they do wrong that gets talked about in the family gets blown horribly out of proportion. Screw that.

So, over the years, my parenting choices have come under fire. From breastfeeding, to breastfeeding beyond a year, cloth diapering, being available to the kid, open communication,.. just very dedicated parent. Apparently, these things have made me quite a target. And, for some reason, they connect unrelated things as if they are related in any way. Like, when you start feeding a baby solid food. They all started around six weeks. HOLY SHIT!!! Six weeks??? Poor kid probably was passed out from distress. And they would brag!!! "My kids were all on solids by six weeks." As if that somehow meant their kid was special, or smarter, or better developed. "HEY, jackasses, your baby's gut isn't indicative of his intelligence and shoving food they can't digest won't make them smarter!!!" Of course, they all also believe that their kid's intelligence is demonstrated by how quickly the kid learns to walk, potty train, etc. For the record, even Piaget would agree that such things are unrelated to the child's untapped potential.

So, my youngest was born. And my ex's sibling had a kid around the same time. Her kid is about 7 months younger than mine. Now, my boy is a tank. He's still primarily breastfed, though he does eat stuff. Like, crayons, and rocks, and occasionally, people food. He's the size of a three year old. I call him my "pocket hulk" cause he's just a brute! Well, he still doesn't talk yet. He's got a lot of siblings that just do what he wants. Doesn't really need to talk. But there's my former sister in law, comparing her kid to mine, "gee, why doesn't he talk yet,... mine's already got twenty words..." Like I give a shit. I don't live with her kid, and that's great for her kid,.. but my kid isn't up on an auction block for judging. But, since he's big and strong, and doesn't talk, these folks feel its ok to make fun of him and imply that his strength is countered by a lack of intelligence. Well, when I regard my little pocket Hulk, I don't see a lumbering jackass who can't read and doesn't know anything. I see more of the Beast from X-Men. Very smart, incredibly strong and funny as hell. But, "pocket Beast" doesn't roll off the tongue the way "Pocket Hulk" does.

I hate that. Judging my kids against someone else's is the fastest way to piss me off. My kids are awesome! And, so what if my kid doesn't measure up in your eyes? WTF do you think I'm supposed to do about your opinion? Of course, I don't mean YOU, I mean these asshole people. I just think some people put pressures on kids that don't belong, and some people don't pay any attention to the aspects that need it. Like the relative making fun of my son's not talking: her oldest didn't talk when she was four!!! No words. None. She's almost six and does talk now. But, four is a lot older than 20 months old. So really, she has no business questioning me, when she didn't bother to get her own kid screened.

I'd rather navigate a mine field than dance with shitheads. Then again, I can't stand other people's kids either.... and I think their kids are just like them!!!