Just Shaking My Head
9 June 2010
I came on here intending to type out a really cool recipe for cupcakes that I just made for my girl for her birthday. Instead, I got to rediscover that age-old truth: nothing is real. So, instead of a cupcake recipe, here's the meat of it. I have alot of kids. They need me. I need to get the fuck off the computer and stop worrying about tomorrow. Of course, I'm usually on when they're all asleep or gone at other activities, or when I'm on a break at work. I don't put the computer over them. Not ever. Apparently, I need to stop putting the computer over me too.
Real life,..not sure what that is, cause what I feel right now, feels pretty fucking real. But hey, conflict helps your character develop, right? I gotta lotta character developed so far. But when I made the cupcakes last night, my little girl wrapped her arms around my legs and said, "you're the best mommie every." That's where I'm at. And my son, when he got home with girlfriend woes, and I stayed up to chat with him where I didn't chat.....just listened; he said, "you're a great mom, but as a woman, I really respect you." Ok,..so the younguns think I'm cool. Maybe that's enough for one person. Maybe I'm getting greedy.
And then, my baby managed to strip down naked and run through the house painting his body with the nail polish he found on the counter. This is where my heart is, where my soul is. [Section removed] Loneliness makes you think long and hard about your own future. Eventually, the kids will grow and move on into their own lives. I know I will always have a connection to them, but what of my own needs? Do I try to find a piece of joy for myself? Or do I stare into tomorrow solitary and alone? No, but I dare to fill the void where children don't. What's crazier,..? Me,..? Or my baby covered in blue nailpolish running through the house naked? Yeah, I thought so too,..definitely me.
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