Experience Project 13

Road Rage
23 June 2010
What is the deal with tiny women driving big ass vehicles??? What is the deal with MILFs driving their stupid vans like they're in Nascar??? What is the deal with that asshole who just cut me off and flipped me off at the same time??? I have road rage, but it isn't MY fault.

I've been driving since I was 14. Yes, driving since I was 14. Didn't say legally, just saying I was. My early driving days, yes, I was reckless and probably caused a lot of premature graying for a lot of happless strangers. But, nearly 26 years later,.. I am an awesome driver. I love driving. I actually use that clickety thingy that tells people around you that you plan on moving left or right. And, I have never wailed on the horn,... I just handle my vehicle so as to not crash into that jackass who just cut me off. I have the radio on, yes it's blaring, and I am in my groove. I love being behind the wheel.

Something that makes my nirvana a little less nirvana-like is the ass hats with whom I have to share the road. For instance, my gender doesn't make you right. And my nationality doesn't make me a bad driver. And the size and cost of your stupid car doesn't give you the right of way by default. How many overweight people buy Lexus SUVs??? Seems the demographic is larger than what the greater populace can support. And yet, it happens often that someone with a cheeseburger clamped in their fist; driving a Lexus or a Cadillac SUV has to swerve into my lane as if I'm not there. Here's a hint, if you are more focused on the burger than staying alive,...perhaps you should focus on the staying alive by eating INSIDE the restaurant.

How many men out there still think women are lesser beings? Honestly,.. you dinosaurs still breathing??? I can't tell you how many times I've heard some neanderthal scream out his window, "stupid bitch" at me, when they were in the wrong. I just want to rip him through his car window and beat him like the moron he is all the while singing, "I am woman hear me roar, in numbers to big to ignore!!!" Having a dangly bit doesn't necessarily mean you have an intuitive connection to cars. Some men couldn't manage to keep a car running without someone else's help. And I am the one that did all the work on our vehicles, except the stuff for which I needed special tools or had to lift something heavy. I know more about the sweet, delicious hum of a strong engine than most of my guy friends (which is sad). I don't drive by tachometer, I drive by feel, when I am able to drive a standard that is... Meanwhile, a guy I know burned the clutch out of one of his cars way back in the day. I remember staring at him asking, "what do you mean you've been resting your foot on the clutch while you drive???" Men are not by default the superior gender when it comes to cars. I know its the usual case, but not always, so before you scream some degrading expletive at me,.. consider that I actually have EOD experience.

Ah road rage... The impulse to drive my vehicle like Mad Max. So far, I've managed to keep the monster at bay. But, my language could use a little help. The Marine in me rears her foul-mouthed head when I'm on the road. I have been known to make grown men blush at the stream of creative adjectives flowing gracefully from my mouth!!! And I'm usually able to maneuver my vehicle around any obstacle or asshole as the case may dictate. Which begs the question, "why am I so fricken angry?" Dunno, but it would be nice if I had a giant version of Whack-A-Mole with little cars of people who have made me angry. And I can use my old Grand Caravan as the mallot, smashing them every time they pop up. It would be awesome, complete with crashing noises and shattering glass each time I made a connection. Probably my score would shoot through the roof. And I'm already pretty good at Whack-A-Mole. Of course, now, I just imagine those little moles as the MILFs I have to deal with...... whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whack..... *giggles like a maniac*